The idea of going back in time and changing your life comes up in so many different story lines. I’ve asked the question and been asked, “if you could go back and do it differently, what would you change?”
Looking back on my middle school days, I remember wishing I had a different mother. I remember wishing the kids in school weren’t so evil. I remember wanting to be a cheerleader so bad, but I knew the other girls would never accept me as one of their own. I also remember spending almost every waking moment with my cousin. She was my best friend, and taught me so much about real life. I wouldn’t give that up to have been at cheer practice.
I think about high school. I tried so hard to NOT appear to be my sister; she was known for her sexual activities and terrible efforts in school. I had great grades freshman year, sophomore year I let them tank, and then I got my act together for my last two years when I was taught colleges look at your overall GPA. I fell in love and had my heart broken twice. I made the best friends in photography class, and I never laughed so hard in my life with them. I graduated with a 3.0 and a ton of memories.
In college, I went in with the idea of “get my degree and get the hell out of there”. I made friends who lived in my hall to eat meals with them, and then one of those girls walked into my room and asked, “do you feel like all these other girls just talk shit about each other?” I whipped my head around and smiled; I just made a new best friend. I learned who to trust and how to stand up for my beliefs. I gained a voice and was pushed to breaking points. I never pictured that college would be such a life altering experience.
I honestly don’t think I would ever go back to any point in my life to change anything. I didn’t have the perfect life, but it’s brought me to where I am today. Even depressed me wouldn’t want to change my favorite memories and my hard learned life lessons.
On days like today, I wish my depression wasn’t a part of me. I wish I didn’t have this constant battle to stay alive, but I know one day I will look back and say I wouldn’t trade this part of my life.
My Depression Sessions 